And here’s her story…

My husband and I were married on December 14,2011 in Cairo Egypt.
by the grace of God we had  thirty three days together. however due
to the fact that my immigration paper’s were not completed yet, I
had to return state side.

It was extremely difficult and painful.

As I felt that I was abandoning him there. I spent many days crying
missing him like crazy. Because of the distance between us he began
to think there must be another in my life here. which there was not.

It was quite difficult to help my husband through this. I had
volunteered to take a polygraph to prove my innocence.

Being we are both Christians, you would not see this as ever having
been a thought in his mind, but it was.

The distance was too great for us to deal with and he argued with
me often accusing me of being with another. This tore my heart
apart to think he could think I would ever behave in such a manner.

We were on Skype everyday and night. most times I was fighting for
my husband and our marriage. There is no easy answer, however I
would suggest you decide where you will reside together before you
marry.

I’m looking forward to going home to my wonderful loving husband in
a few days, thanks to God.

God Bless
Marion

You could be facing these issues as well when you are into a long
distance relationship.

Your significant other may be suspecting of you cheating.

Most of the websites or books out there would tell you not to be
suspicious or get jealous easily but what if your significant other
is being insecure and suspicious of your activities?

It’s frustrating to tell he or she that you are not cheating but
they do not believe you.

So what can you do?

Firstly, before you do anything, you need to understand the
rationale of his or her insecurity. When one is insecure, he or she
would tend to get suspicious and easily jealous.

The reason for one’s insecurity could originate from childhood or
past experience and he or she might not even know how it started.

But what you can do to reduce the insecurity is to stay calm and
composed when the suspicions or jealousy start.

For example, if your loved one is asking “why are you late for our
skype chat”, you don’t aggravate it by scowling at him or her.

Secondly, notice what increase the suspicions and jealousy.

In terms of couples communication, you need to understand that
there are specific “triggers” that increase suspicions and jealousy.

For some couples, these triggers are “late for skype chats”, or it
can be “having a meal date with opposite sex”, or it could be
“forgetting to SMS every hour”.

There are no right or wrong but when you notice these little
triggers that affect the insecurity level, you are able to talk
about it with your loved ones and resolved these issues.

Thirdly, another tip to resolve the insecurity is to focus your
attention and subject topics onto him or her.

In most occasion, the jealousy and suspicions occur when you are
talking about the opposite sex or some other topics under the sun
but not about your significant other.

When your topics or attention are focused on other subjects then
your significant other, he or she usually feels lack of attention.

For insecure people, it could be a common problem in normal
relationship but it can get worse in LDR where you and your loved
ones seldom see each other.

So shine more attention and love on your significant other.

I hope these 3 tips could help you end the insecurity from your
loved one. Let us know if these tips help you and send in your
questions or problems so we could help you!

P.S.: I would really appreciate if you could spread a message to
your friends or relatives who have problems in LDR about our
website at LongDistanceRelationship.org so that we could help them
and reach out to more people.

If you find yourself caught in an LDR, you deserve a pat on the shoulder for I know how hard it can be. However be assured that all is not lost. Here is some advice so that your relationship will not be caught in a downward spiral of insecurity, jealousy and suspicion.

Know Yourself, Know Your Relationship

Preparing for an LDR does not just begin after one of you flies off. It begins pre-departure, days and weeks before you see your other half off at the airport. It is about the two of you preparing yourselves mentally and emotionally for the potentially tough journey ahead, and making goals and plans. Take it as strategizing before the war begins.

Granted, some relationships will have it easier because of the personalities of the individuals. Some couples operate independently – the individuals like their personal space and do not over-rely on each other for emotional support. These couples are fine even if they do not see or talk to each other for few days. At the other end of the spectrum are the “sticky” couples who have to see each other almost everyday, talk on the phone daily before bed, and who will feel insecure if they do not know where or what their other half is doing at any point of the day.

It is thus important to know yourselves and your relationship, and make plans before the LDR actually commences. If both of you are the needy type, talk about how you guys can still communicate. If one of you is needier than the other, establish certain ground rules for mutual understanding. Maybe have a comfortable agreement that you will send each other e-mails at least thrice a week. At the end of the day, it is about understanding and compromising to each other’s needs and characters.

It is also important to reach a common expectation of the relationship so that even if you are on different lands, you two are still on the same footing. Basic issues like the following definitely have to be ironed out. Is he allowed to go out with other girls on a platonic level? Does he have to inform you? Does she expect you to reply her e-mails immediately? If an argument occurs, how should it be settled? Are the two of you serious about this relationship, intend for it to last the long term, and promise to wait for each other?

Establishing grounds of understanding and promising to stick to them helps resolve issues which are a lot harder to solve once distance separates the two of you. It is also an assurance so you will know what to expect. For example, if he has not replied your e-mail, you will not get all insecure or suspicious if the promise is that he can take up to a maximum of three days to reply.

But with two of you on different lands, what are some of the things that can be done as a couple?

Make Full Use of Technology

It cannot be emphasized enough how useful and important technology is in bridging physical distances. Globalization has made the world so inter-connected that people on opposite continents can feel like they are in neighbouring villages.

If letters take too long, save them for special occasions and send e-mails instead. Make use of webcams to see each other. Talk cheaply through internet phones. Play online MSN or Facebook games together so you can have fun and yet communicate.

Do things that will actually make two of you feel connected. Read the same book and have an online discussion about it. Watch a video or TV program and laugh together. Share a blog. Look out at the sky and star-gaze. Even better, look at the moon, for your other half will be looking at the same moon, and then express your love and longing for him or her. Set your watches to go off at the same time and spend that few seconds thinking about each other.

With technology, the list of things to do is endless. What is important, however, is not to fall into a monotonous, predictable routine. One of the reasons why LDRs fail is that boredom consumes the relationship and pretty soon, there is nothing new for the couple to talk about or do. When that happens, the relationship becomes dead, goes nowhere, and one of you might stray to fill the void with someone new.

In an LDR, the couple has to be inventive and creative so that one will not know what to expect from the other. Have a surprise gift flown over. Record a video and post it up on Youtube, and send the link over. For the guys, do something unexpectedly mushy and make the girl go all soft inside. The girls can purchase a jacket from an online shop and have it shipped to his doorstep for the cold winter season.

Essentially it is about keeping the relationship on its toes. Remember that a relationship that goes to sleep for too long will eventually die off.

Utilizing technology to bridge the physical distance will allow interaction and remind yourselves of each other. Efforts must be invested to keep the flame going, and to know and update each other about your lives, so that insecurity, jealousy and suspicion will not arise from misunderstandings that are actually preventable.

Lay Back!

Lastly, remember that even if you are on different lands, you do not have to breathe down your other half’s neck all the time. The last thing anyone needs is the pressure and control of someone thousands of miles away who is watching over his or her back suspiciously.

Having an LDR is hard, no doubt. It is however important to try to lay back and trust each other. If he says he is going out with his friends, do not wring further details out of him forcefully if he does not want to, or coerce him into going home at a particular time to talk to you. Since two of you are in an LDR, give each other some personal space and freedom. Let each other breathe so that you will not get jealous or overreact over small issues. If she says she is busy doing work, do not pester and bombard her continuously with questions about her work. Give her space, and maybe talk to her a few hours later to check on her progress and show that you care.

If an argument should occur, do not jump right at each other. Since the strain of each other’s absence is already felt, the effects of an argument are altogether multiplied and strain the relationship even more. Stay calm and think twice before speaking. Settle your issues maturely. Remember that your aim is to resolve the argument, not make things worse. After all, leaving an argument to hang halfway feels all the emptier with the absence of each other’s physical presence.

That said, not everything should culminate into an argument or a heated conversation. If he snaps at you, perhaps he’s had a bad day. Resist the urge to snap back; just check on him the next day again. If she comes to you whining about something when you’re busy, do not brush her off rudely. Either spend a few minutes to listen and placate her, or tell her that your hands are full and you will talk to her in an hour’s time. Then make sure you stick to what you say and talk to her an hour later.

If an argument can be avoided, avoid it. The ingredients for a successful LDR are patience, learning to lay back and trust.

Conclusion

If it all sounds like hard work to you, remember that every relationship, including LDRs, is about efforts and investments by both parties. If you are not willing to make the first step of working hard, you are essentially giving up on your relationship without giving it a chance. The going might be tough, but think of the long-haul returns which will be much sweeter.

If there’s anyone who knows about LDRs, she is no other than our local celebrity blogger, Xiaxue. She had to hold on through an LDR with her Caucasian boyfriend, facing issues of insecurity, jealousy and suspicion, before they could eventually savour the sweetness of success. In fact, they are getting married in the near future.

Here is what she has to say, in her own words, “With all these uncertainties, we could only continue our relentless and expensive plow forward with faith that everything will turn out ok.

“I’ve never been happier than I am right now. Never more loved, more appreciated, and more at peace with the world! We have come such a long way from being separated by copious amounts of sea and being unsure, scared, and anxious to where we are now… Comfortable, contented and best of all, secure.”

If she can do it with faith, so can you too. Remember that you are not alone going through this. Take the above steps and do not let insecurity, jealousy and suspicions wreck your relationship.

The physical absence of the other half makes cheating really hard to resist. Furthermore, with shaky trust within the relationship, one would think that the other’s already cheating (of course without telling you) so you might as well cheat yourself.

Cheating within a long distance relationship will always be around. Now the question is: would you give in to the temptation? If you firmly believe that trust and faithfulness are things you cannot risk, there are certain things which you can do to resist cheating when you’re miles apart from each other.

1. Diversion to Maintain Devotion

One way to fight off temptation to cheat, even in its earliest stage, is to find something new that will keep you diverted at all times. I said something new – and not someone new to fool around with! It could be a new hobby or skill you wanted to learn all this time. Perhaps set up a small business of your own for that extra source of moolah.

2. Steadfast Support System

Nothing else could cheer you up better than being surrounded with people who are willing to understand what you’re going through as an other half in a long distance relationship. When longing turns up and cheating seems more and more appealing, go and run to your family. However, if your support system is composed mostly of your buddies, be wary – going to a singles bar with them seems not a pretty good idea!

3. Prevent Being Privately Alone with a Person

Being alone with someone else in a private setting spells “temptation”. Try to stay in groups as much as possible, just for you to be constantly reminded that someone can see each move you make. Now don’t say it’s just a best bud or a co-worker of the opposite sex, and it’s unlikely you will be tempted to do some private time with them. A loved one being miles away does nasty things to your lust.

4. Walk Out on “What If” Thoughts

The more you think about it, the more you might want to have it. So as soon as thoughts about cheating show up, drop it right away. Having elevator sex with a stranger? Inviting your gardener for tea wearing your lingerie? Being alone with your hot boss in the workplace? Thinking about something is the first step to doing that something.

5. Talk, Talk, Talk and More Talk

A good way to ward off cheating is to openly talk about it to your loved one from halfway ‘round the world. Let him or her know what you are going through. No, it will not harm the relationship, but it will help the two of you understand further the difficulties long distance relationship impose on you. Besides, wouldn’t it be nice finding out the he or she too is having the same problems, but opted to remain faithful to you instead? If that doesn’t make you fall deeper in love further and fend off cheating, I don’t know what else will.